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The Joltik that Jepordized the City

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The Joltik that Jepordized the City

Post by BlueKat12 on Sat May 11, 2013 3:56 pm

Harvey stepped into the city's limits, witnessing the large buildings that towered above him. He admired the buildings, he was pushed by a busy man who cursed at him rudely to move and ran. Harvey cupped his hand over his shoulder as he was pushed, shielding the joltik he had named Cymophane from being squished. Harvey regained his balance and tried to apologize, but the man had left. He shrugged and revealed the joltik once more.
Cymo screed as darkness took over his vision, he clutched Harvey's shirt as the surface below him shook like an earthquake. When light was returned, he crawled across the blue surface of Harvey's jacket and onto his neck. He made his way through Harvey's hair and onto his cheek then nose. The joltik climbed across the bridge of his nose and onto his shirt once more.
Harvey resisted the urge to laugh or swat at Cymo as he climbed all over him. Harvey walked with the large crowd, deciding to do a little sight-seeing. As he was passing by a large power plant looking place a voice shouted, "-Declare Tours Now, OPEEEEN!" The boy was then pushed in by the sudden crowd rush and was shoved into the building against his will.
Cymo clung for his dear life as the earthquake began once more, "joool!" Heeelp! he yelled as he flew off of Harvey's shirt. Harvey hadn't noticed the small bug fly off, and was shoved to the reception area.
"Hello sir! Welcome to the Grand PowerPlant Tours~" the receptionist chimed. Before Harv could respond she continued, "You shall be assigned with group one, please remain with your designated group and enjoy the tour!" she chimed. Harv tried to explain that he wasn't here for the tour, but the people behind him shoved him out of the way. Harvey was then forced into the tour group and the tour began, by this point he had given up resisting and went with the tour.
"Are you alright Cymo?" Harv asked the Joltik, when there was no response he asked, "Cymo?" That's when he noticed the tiny joltik had gone missing, "This isn't good..." he mumbled looking around frantically.

Cymo skittered about, avoiding the pounding feet and desperately searching for someplace to hide. He just avoided being trampled by a boot when he spotted the wall, he dashed over to it and climbed up the wall like a spider. He looked around the room in search of Harvey, and saw him being shoved through some double doors. He skuttled through the doors as the second group walked through, he was nearly crushed by the doors but lived. He scuttled about, losing sight of Harvey.
He looked at a door that said some words in human language, but Cymo couldn't read so he went through that door as a man in uniform walked through it. He noticed that this part of the building,...was an absolute feast for joltics. His eyes grew wide as he crawled over to a outlet and sucked the energy from it, enjoying the feast.

Harvey looked around in confusion as the lights flickered, so did the rest of the crowd. The attendent looked up at the light and cleared her throat, "Anyways, this is the main power station, this is where the energy is distributed throughout the city! This core supports over half of the city, if it were to go out, all shops and houses within the next two miles!"
Harvey tapped his foot impatiently, he figured Cymo was still at the lobby. He wanted this to end as soon as possible so he could recover his pokemon. The assistant wouldn't allow him to leave for safety reasons. Harv heard was sounded like a small explosion and smoke came from the vents, "Wh-What?" the crowd gasped.
"U-Uh! Th-that's normal!" she took out a walkie talkie and asked, "That IS normal right?"
The walkie talkie responded, "We got a joltik in the generator room!" said a male voice.
Thats when Harvey dashed from the group without being noticed and walked through a door that had a sign that read generator. He had seen it earlier on from the tour, maybe it was a little useful after all!
He bashed the doors open to walk into a room full of smoke and two magnemites floating around in a frenzy. He spotted a yellow dot crawl into a vent, "Cymo!" he cried. He ripped out the vent door and followed the joltik in, coughing from the smoke and following the Joltik. Cymo was too terrified to recgonize Harvey, so he continued to scuttle ahead in the maze of vents. Harvey followed behind, until they arrived at where Harvey had been at earlier.

Cymo looked ahead of him at the large power filled core, his eyes glittered as he slowly walked towards it. He wanted to savor the moment, before he began the ultimate feast. That was before a rattata's paws pinned him down, "JOOOL!" he cried. The joltik struggled to free himself, but failed at the rattata scooped him up. The rattata turned to the strange white haired man, and offered the Cymo to him. Cymo screed and cried, begging for Harvey.
"Don't you recgonize me?" the man asked.
Upon closer inspection, Cymo realized that the man WAS Harvey! Cymo flung itself onto his shoulder as a hug and clung there. As the smoke filled the air his 'Father' spoke.
"We should get out of here..."

Harvey decided that it would be best to get out of the city for a few days after this...again. He shouldered his way through the panicking crowd, being knocked over a few times. He had luckily returned both pokemon before he left. He finally made it out as the exterminators arrived, a squad of growlithe. They were called to come in and defeat the joltik that had caused so much trouble, unlucky for them they wouldn't find one.
The boy swallowed and ran with the crowd. He slowed his pace calmly and made his way out of the city and away from the powerplant where Cymo had caused much trouble at. At least Cymo didn't do too much damage, Harvey hoped.
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Re: The Joltik that Jepordized the City

Post by Act-I on Sun May 12, 2013 12:58 pm

The results are IN!

Length
This roleplay is of pretty good length. Its really of perfect size; not too short to lack in story and not to long to be boring or daunting to sit down and read.
Levels - 1
Poke - 1200

Writing Skill
The description is good here. Some things struck me as a little odd or unneeded, like those Magnemites weren't elaborated on and the sudden Rattata appearing and bringing Cymo back for some reason. Other than that, everything looks A-OK!
Levels - 1
Poke - 1000

Plot
What I like about this roleplay is its plot, which is basically the main focus of it. It's a rather cute story, with an adorable Joltik as the star. The story is original and using a Joltik's natural abilities and instincts to start it really helped. I'd say the plot is where this story shines!
Levels - 2
Poke - 1500

Your total rewards are 4 Levels (all of which should probably go to Cymo) and 3700 Poke. Since you, as an admin, are one of the only members who can add and remove Poke, I trust that you will add the right amount!

That's all, folks! ~Acti

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